The brutality of neglect

About 13 years ago one of my kids arrived with the skinniest little black kitten. This kitten was all skin and bones, barely weighing 3 pounds. She had some kind of injury or a broken tail. He asked me to take her and love her. Sigh. I am a sucker for animals, so I took her home. This kitten was one of the most feral little geniuses I have ever met. Maxxie stole food from my fork, terrorized Choo (my old lovie dovie cat), destroyed blinds, slept in weird places (i.e., the stove), refused to use the litter box, and prowled around the joint with her head slung low like she was planning some kind of heist or murder. Maxxie was found by my kid and his mom being kicked around outside like a football by some boys; hence the injury to her tail. My kid said after his mom chased off the boys that they looked for siblings and a mama cat; but they could not find her family. They took her home and nursed her to her weaning age. They noticed Maxxie was wild from the start. My kid said, "I think she has attachment disorder, so you have to hold her all the time." He was not joking. Maxxie was aggro and loved to bite. I had all kinds of recommendations from well meaning friends to put her down because she would not make a good pet. I just could not do that.

I spent a lot of time reading about cat socialization behaviors. Just like humans, kittens need to learn from a mama who teaches about appropriate behavior. Maxxie was not like Choo who had not been neglected or abused. Watching Maxxie reminded me of the experiment about Harlow's Monkeys where monkeys were removed from their nurturing biological mothers and placed into pens with two different surrogates. I hyperlinked Harlow's Monkeys so you can read a short summary of this sad experiment. Harlow found that bonding was more than getting physiological needs met. Bonding was about affection, comfort, acceptance, and love; it was about interaction with a primary caregiver during the time the brain is exploding with growth.

Neglect is the worst of all of the abuses (physical, sexual, and psychologically unavailable parents) because of how it negatively impacts brain development. Brain development begins in utero. Many studies have been conducted on the effects of prenatal stress upon brain development of humans and animals. Books have been written about the prenatal experience and neglect during infancy, like, Ghosts in the Nursery by Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley. Brain development and growth is the most rapid from conception to age 3 (http://www.urbanchildinstitute.org/why-0-3/baby-and-brain). Neural pathways are exploding with growth during this time and encouraged to branch out even more by interaction (positive or negative) with a primary caregiver. The attachment to the good enough primary caregiver is what allows children to explore and to feel safe and good about their world; this is when trust is developing. The back and forth of the interaction between baby and mother, reciprocity, is being encoded into the young brain and mind so that this interaction can be replicated and globalized to other relationships.

With neglect, there is an absence of interaction, positive or negative. Even kids who have been physically and sexually abused learn a maladaptive interaction which gives the brain experience to develop neural pathways. Neglect, however, does not allow the brain to experience. Without experience, the brain does not develop those pathways where repeated action become rooted into a response. Research indicates that neglected children have smaller brains. For Maxxie, I had to bop her on the head when she would bite because this is what mother cats do for negative behavior in kittens. I also had to scruff her to make her sit with me if she attacked Choo. It was not enough that I provided shelter and food for Maxxie. Maxxie did not seek me out if she felt scared during thunderstorms; she would hide in the basement. She did not have the experience of mothering in her early weeks but did have neglect where she was not mothered. And she was mean. Maxxie meant to survive and that was it. Today she is still a little cuss, but more affectionate. Maxxie still hides from me and thunderstorms but she does not steal food from my fork or bite. She is playful with the other cats most of the time.

Harlow's Monkeys very much encapsulates the long term effects of neglect upon babies removed from their mothers. Other neglectful situations also replicate this study, whether it be by orphanage life or a drug addicted parent who is not present for their child, showing that children do not develop social skills, trust, or reciprocity in relationships without those experiences and interactions with a warm primary caregiver. While adoptive parents feel overwhelmed with the special needs of their children, remember that adoptees feel overwhelmed with all of the new social constructs to learn. Repetition and modeling appropriate behavior are good ways to show a victim of neglect how to live in a family or how to exist in a community. I like parents who constantly comment aloud on what they are doing so their child can hear the thought process; we hope the socialized behavior 'sticks' with them and they are able to globalize the skill in similar situations outside of the home. And lets not forget about natural and logical consequences for misbehavior. Natural consequences are experiences your child needs to develop a thought process which can support cause and effect thinking.